Posts by Benjamin
Vows (Or, I’ll Work For Your Love)
At the end of the day, the meet cute doesn’t count for much. I mean, make no mistake; it’s a cute story. I thank my lucky stars that Abbi happened onto my Friendster profile, found my website, came to my rock show, and tapped me on the shoulder — to say nothing of the fact…
Read MoreDebate Night In Hell’s Kitchen
Once again, it was debate night in Hell’s Kitchen. And once again, Chris and Meg Abad hosted a viewing party of epic proportions. We drank beers, ate nachos, and yelled at the TV screen. We gaffawed at CNN’s silly graphics, played Palin Bingo, and chugged on a number of key phrases (“maverick,” “reform,” “change,” etc.).…
Read MoreThe Recovery Room
So… the bill for last months emergency appendectomy surgery came yesterday. $30,445.16. Thirty grand!!! Abbi and I could go scuba diving in Belize six times! We could buy a brand-new Jaguar X-Type! We could put a 5% down payment on a $600,000 house! The bill’s full of interesting stuff, though, like a $219.19 “specimen bag”…
Read MoreThe Dust Cloud Disappears Without A Trace
Two weeks ago this afternoon, I was in surgery. This morning, I was back on the road, running 4.87 miles in just over 51 minutes. Abbi and I rose in the dark, stretched, and started slow. We ran west towards the river, north along Hudson River Park, then up into Riverside Park. It felt great…
Read MoreThe Lost Weekend (Or, Entropy 101)
I called my sister-in-law from the lobby. My nephew answered. “Where are you?” he asked in his hushed, adorable phone voice. “I’m on my way to the park to meet Aunt Abbi,” I replied. “So are we!” he said, only slightly-more enthused. “See you at the finish line!” I said. I called my dad from…
Read MoreBest M*therf*ckin’ Crew Ever
Hangin’ with the best m*ther*ckin’ crew ever makes me the luckiest m*ther*ckin’ dude ever. I mean, I don’t wanna’ overstate anything, but tens days ago, I was laid out on a slab of stainless steel, shaved, intubated, swabbed with iodine, and incised. Tonight, I was stompin’, singin’ and scissor kickin’. But tonight wasn’t about me.…
Read MoreBee Season
For a few hours before my whole emergency appendectomy ordeal, an entirely different health issue was at hand. Pun intended. See, I like fire. Always have. Just ask our former neighbor, Ron Wells, who nabbed my brother, Christofer, and I behind the hedges with a can of gasoline, a box of matches and a few…
Read MoreThis Little Light Of Mine
Maybe it was the percocet. Maybe it was the excitement of being out of the house for the first time in a week. Either way, it was over so fast! I think Dr. Dawson thought I was kidding when, a few minutes into Wednesday’s post-op recovery I asked him if I could play my “rock…
Read MoreDischarged
When I woke, my wife, mother, and doctor stood over me like a Holy Trinity. I tried to speak, but could only gesture to Abbi for a kiss. I didn’t remember anything prior, or have any idea where I was. Through the fog, I heard Dr. Dawson report that the surgery went by the book.…
Read MorePatience
The Lenox Hill’s ER was manned by a slight, Russian-speaking security guard. “Name, age, and ailment,” he said handing me a pink slip of paper. Benjamin Wagner. 37. I paused at “ailment,” puzzling over how detailed I should be. I wrote, simply, “APPENDIX,” then took my seat in the dank, crowded waiting room. An elderly…
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