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Hangin’ with the best m*ther*ckin’ crew ever makes me the luckiest m*ther*ckin’ dude ever. I mean, I don’t wanna’ overstate anything, but tens days ago, I was laid out on a slab of stainless steel, shaved, intubated, swabbed with iodine, and incised. Tonight, I was stompin’, singin’ and scissor kickin’. But tonight wasn’t about me.…

For a few hours before my whole emergency appendectomy ordeal, an entirely different health issue was at hand. Pun intended. See, I like fire. Always have. Just ask our former neighbor, Ron Wells, who nabbed my brother, Christofer, and I behind the hedges with a can of gasoline, a box of matches and a few…

Maybe it was the percocet. Maybe it was the excitement of being out of the house for the first time in a week. Either way, it was over so fast! I think Dr. Dawson thought I was kidding when, a few minutes into Wednesday’s post-op recovery I asked him if I could play my “rock…

When I woke, my wife, mother, and doctor stood over me like a Holy Trinity. I tried to speak, but could only gesture to Abbi for a kiss. I didn’t remember anything prior, or have any idea where I was. Through the fog, I heard Dr. Dawson report that the surgery went by the book.…

The Lenox Hill’s ER was manned by a slight, Russian-speaking security guard. “Name, age, and ailment,” he said handing me a pink slip of paper. Benjamin Wagner. 37. I paused at “ailment,” puzzling over how detailed I should be. I wrote, simply, “APPENDIX,” then took my seat in the dank, crowded waiting room. An elderly…

In some strange way, I felt relieved as I strode towards Lenox Hill Hospital’s Emergency Room with my plastic bag full of still-wet CAT scans; at least I knew what was wrong, and what had to be done. It was a strange day from the start. I’d slept scarcely a wink the night before, dragging…