Stress Rx

It’s amazing how many lotions, ointments, and treatments are required for what ails me.

You may recall last summer’s cardiology issue: the chest pains, the stress test. Well, this summer, work, wedding, marathon and documentary stress has manifested itself in a whole bunch of new, interesting, and original ways — and mostly on my face. So here’s a breakdown of the lotions, creams, and other remedies (I’m not even getting into pills) I’m sustaining in an effort to not look like the Elephant Man on my wedding day.

Ciclopirox: Ciclopirox is a synthetic broad-spectrum antifungal agent that inhibits the growth of dermatophytes, a type of fungus that grows on the skin, hair, and nails. Um, gross! Where’s my fungus? Corner of my mouth. Too much yeast, my dermatologist says. From stress.

Clocortolone: Clocortolone is a topical steroid that reduces or inhibits the actions of chemicals in the body that cause inflammation. I’m using it on the brand-new eczema on my hands (the middle and ring fingers of my right hand, to be exact).

Mimyx: More salve (deep dermal hydration) for my eczema.

Cortisone: Cortisone is a type of steroid that is produced naturally by the adrenal gland when one’s body is under stress. I’ve been getting numerous monthly injections along my jawline (almost exactly where it was broken, it turns out) to remedy stress-induced alopecia.

Eucerin: This is just anti-wrinkle cream to keep me looking more like Brad Pitt and less like Anthony Hopkins. Not sure it’s working.

Funny how the body reacts to stuff. Either way, I think I’ll be ok.