Magnum Farce

My father has had a mustache as long as I’ve known him. I recently decided to give one a try myself.

Mustaches are held in high regard around the MTV newsroom. For some reason, we often reference The Raleigh Fingers, The Swashbuckler, and The Fu-Manchu, though no one wears one. Sure, there’s a snack strip or two, but no honest to God Magnums. And we’ve often discussed holding a mustache growing pool each copetitor pays twenty bucks each, and the dude who wears his mustache the longest won. For some reason (vanity? poverty?), the contest has never gotten off the ground.

I was home sick Saturday night, and decided to use my time wisely. So I shaved. I had two weeks of growth left over from vacation, but no excuse for holding on to it. It wasn’t very media executive-like to be heading towards a full-on Grizzly Adams. So for some reason, I left a ‘stache. Granted, I left a snack strip (inspired, perhaps, by V) to take the focus off the lone mustache. But it’s a ‘stache nonetheless

As I said, my father’s had a Magnum as long as I’ve known him. Many of his brothers do too. Generally, I find any facial hair, except maybe the well-worn five o’clock shadow, to be kinda’ funny (as you may have gathered by our newsroom pools). But, of course, not on my father. I don’t even really notice it. It’s always been there.

Now, I’ve suggested to my father that he shave it at least once in thirty-five years, but he is (perhaps reasonably) resistant. I can’t think of anything I’ve possessed — aesthetically or otherwise — for one year, let alone going on four decades. But wouldn’t you be curious?

I was alittle embarassed walking to work yesterday. I wanted to explain to everyone, “It’s just a joke!” In fact, Shannon at Starbucks noticed right away. And my boss couldn’t look me in the eye until I said, “Dude, it’ll be gone tomorrow.”

But now it’s tomorrow and… I kinda’ like it. It makes me feel kinda’ mysterious. It makes me feel a kinda’ Williamsburg cool. And every time I look in the mirror, it makes me laugh.

But it’s time to get ready for work. And it’s time for the mustache to go. So goodbye to The Raleigh Fingers. Goodbye to The Swashbuckler, The Fu-Manchu, The Chaplin, and The Zapata. It was fun while it lasted.