Karma Police

I was robbed. Not, like, metaphorically. Literally burglarized. Worst of all? I was home.

Yeah so I’m downstairs cookin’ up an Amy’s vegetarian pizza and I’m thinkin’, ‘My contacts are kinda’ cloudy’ so I reach for my bag with my glasses and … and the bag is gone. It normally hangs in the kitchen but no, it’s gone. So I look around and, sure enough, wallets gone, cell phones gone. Oh shit!

Of course, initially, I don’t believe it. Surely I put it all some place else. But this is New York apartment living. There is no place else. I borrow the neighbor’s phone and cancel my credit cards. Then I call the cops.

The cops show up in like five minutes (wow, right?). Officers O’Brien and Chen aren’t a day over twenty-five, but they’re awfully nice. They take a report: I’ve been home all day, the door was unlocked, I heard it open when I was taking a nap but thought nothing of it, blah blah blah.

We shoot the shit until their sergeant shows up. (End up O’Brien used to be in a hardcore band and is a fan of Arlene Grocery’s Heavy Metal Karaoke.) The sergeant’s maybe thirty-years-old. I pour ’em all some ice water. They’re nice guys, really empathic. They all apologize. They explain how thieves re-sell cell phones, and use credit cards to buy Metrocards for re-sale. Who knew? And just this morning I was reading The New York Times’ cover story on the widening gap between the have and have-nots.

Meanwhile, I feel like an idiot. Too trusting. I always figured, who the heck would walk up five flights to rob someone? And what do I own worth stealing anyway? And for crying out loud I was home!

In the end, the primary thing of value I lost was, once again, my glasses (second time!). My wallet had my MTV ID, driver’s license, two credit cards, about fifty bucks, and an ace of spades I’ve been carrying around since college. Not a real big deal. Oddly enough, they missed my Blackberry and my watch, both of which were right next to my wallet. Phew.

Not the end of the world. I’ve lived in New York City over eleven years, and this is the first big city type thing to happen to me. Could be worse. They could’ve hacked The Daily Journal.