My Beat Is Correct

I’m standing on the balcony in the VIP area of the MTV/X-Box party at The Avalon on Hollywood and Vine when Ling Bai slithers up next to me.

Without Corey whispering in my ear, I’d have no idea who she is. She’s wearing a itty-bitty dress, a blonde Shirley Temple wig, fake eyelashes, and glitter everywhere. Clearly, she’s not inching in on me, but my vista, as not only can I see everything from my roost above the party, but everyone can see me. Which, dressed in my standard 501 jeans, Ben Sherman dress shirt, blue blazer, and chunky Daniel Libeskind glasses, means that the Young and Fabulous Hollywood starlettes simply size me up with a quick glance, and move on.

So Ling Bai asks, “Are there bands tonight?” And I say, “Yeah, The Killers played earlier and Snow Patrol is on in a few minutes.” We’re leaning on the railing watching Wilmer Valerrama take on Omarion and Linkin Park’s Joseph Hahn in some first-person shoot ’em up game when some guy approaches her. “Ling Bai, I just want to clean the slate after that one night,” he says. She’s having none of it, and continues to survey the room and pose for photographers. “Every time we see each other it feels negative. And I’m so sorry.” She blows him off and asks me, “Who is Snow Patrol?”

Later, Corey says to me, “Dude, that was Charlie Kaufman!”

That’s the night in a nutshell. I was in an extra in an episode of “Entourage.” I was the suit on the edge of the screen. The highlight? Neither Jessica Simpson, or even Alyssa Milano. No, I broke away from my colleagues Sway, Shari, Nicole, and Corey to grab a spot on the balcony for Snow Patrol’s midnight performance: lackluster audience, but brilliant set.

This could be the very minute
I’m aware I’m alive
All these places feel like home

Later, I felt relieved as I snuck out through the back door into the cool drizzle. Driving west on Hollywood Boulevard, an old favorite came on the radio. I sang along like Tom Cruise in “Jerry McGuire.”

Life is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes

Spotted (see the photos): Elija Wood, Ashley Simpson, Ryan Cabrera, Alyssa Milano, Xzibit, Travis and Shanna Barker, Zooey Deschane, Wilmer Valerrama, Lil’ John, Omarion, D.J. Kwals, Chiaki Kuriyama, Jeremy Piven, Tony Hawk, Chiaki Kuriyama, Charlie Kaufman, Joseph Hahn (Linkin Park), Wes Boreland (Limp Bizkit), Tony Kanal (No Doubt), director Michael Bay, Kyle Gass (Tenacious D), and CC Deville (Poison).