The Architecture Of Confidence

I am happy. Buzzed, busy, a little frustrated, but happy.

Let’s start with the happy. I got in from Utah Wednesday around midnight. I was a little wound so I wrote a new song dedicated to my new friend (The Nadas’) Jason Walsmith called, “The Architecture of Confidence.” I cribbed the title from video director Mike Mills’ first film. It goes like this:

Hey kid you’ve waited long enough
For someone to say you’re something
Hey kid don’t wait for someone to lead the way
You know your way back home

That kept me up ’til about 2 am. Seven hours later I was in the office. Seven hours later I was off to the races. The MTV is particularly insane these days. I have a new hire, for one, who started the moment I walked in the office. We have a bunch of new initiatives, for another, which started the moment I walked in the office. For a minute there, Park City seemed pretty relaxed.

After work I met my buddy Jeff at The Dead Poet, my fave little bar on The UWS. Jeff’s just finishing his masters at Princeton. He’s the kinda’ guy that you say, two beers in, “It’s really great to see you, man. I’ve missed ya.”

And then The Smith Family. I walk into Lakeside Lounge three minutes before we go on. I have just enough time to plug in, grab a beer, and go. And I like it that way. There’s no time for nerves.

By the time the set’s over, I’m on my knees, and my pointer finger’s bloody from raking the strings on my acoustic guitar. Moments later, I’m shirtless in the photo booth telling my bandmates, “Man, it’s great to be home.” Moments later, it’s 3 a.m. and I’m eating an omlette in some LES dive. Awesome. It’s great to be home. And it is. I’m in my element here. I know how to do this.

Walking home from work tonight, I resolve to find only the uptempo tunes on my iPod. I crank “Second Guessing.” I used to listen to REM’s “Reckoning” in its entirity on my cassette Walkman waiting for the bus in eighth grade. “Why you tryin’ to second guess me? I ain’t tryin’ to second guess you.” ‘What’s with all this self doubt?’ I wonder to myself. ‘You know how to do this.’

Back home, my first night off in two weeks, I watch a doc on my new best friend Jason’s band, The Nadas. I’m inspired. I restring my guitar (on account of having busted the aformentioned bloody string), and take to ProTools. I record “The Architecture of Confidence” a second time. I still don’t nail it, which is a little frustrating, but I’m feeling it. I’m feeling music. I’m feeling the architecture of confidence.

I know how to do this. I know how to be happy. I swear I do.