Don’t Be Dick

I am haunted. Everything wrong with my life was floating above me in sleep whispering, “Wake up!” So I did.

From my last post I too might wonder what on earth could possibly be wrong with this Benjamin Wagner fellow. I will be the first to concede that all is quite well, in contrast, anyway, to what has come before.

But from the three red bumps (on my thumb knuckle, big toe and torso, just to be clear) that I suspect are bed bug bites from the lovely High View Inn (how did I wake up naked?), to the hypertext link mistakes on MTV Movies (small error, high visibility), and, well, some other stuff, well… there they were, just overhead. It was unsettling.

Unsettling enough that I rose from my dream (something about two sisters, broken CDs, and weepy recollections of my Grandma Bolster) just in time to hear a loud crash somewhere outside my bedroom. I lay there a sec thinking that someone had thrown a brick through the window or the pyramid of dishes had finally collapsed under the weight of the excess crumbs. Then I realized it was the shower mirror, and gingerly crept towards the bathroom to confirm.

Confirmed.

Ok, second yawn now — my strategy is working (you know, type a bit ’til you get tired, which you, Dear Reader, are probably getting as well. Tired, that is).

Anyway, chalk it up to the jarring nature of getting used to the bowl of Ramen Pride Noodles that is New York City: hot, wet, crowded. Or chalk it up to what’s really going on, which is that I’m 32-years-old and, excepting my fairly high level of accountability at The MTV, I might as well be 22: renting, no worldly possessions, no non-familial commitments.

When I was a teenager, my Mom dated a guy named Richard. Good guy, nice smile, lotta’ fun. But he was seriously noncommittal. You know the type: pushing fifty, never married, likes to sail and play tennis and basically work it. I don’t want to work it anymore (even if I don’t mean to, even if I’m not even pushing forty, or whatever else).

That’s really all I’m gonna’ say about that, ‘cuz, well, I try and keep some limits here on the site, for better or worse, sickness or health, blah blah blah. And besides, it’s pushing 5 a.m. and the sky’s waking from pale black to slate blue. So, g’night. Again.