I’ll Meet You When I Get There

I didn’t really realize how much I missed California until this morning. I dispatched my good friend Matt Kinney (aka “Mother Goose”) to shoot some b-roll of the sun setting over Malibu for the ‘New York’ music video, and pouring over it this morning, I was more than just a little sad.

You may recall that I was genuinely flirting with moving to Los Angeles last year, having spent about eight weeks working from MTV News’ Santa Monica offices. I mean, duh, the weather’s nice. And the constant sunshine’s great. But I love seasons. I crave seasons (much as I loathe the deep freeze of winter). I need signs of change, of progress.

So no, it wasn’t the weather. It was the natural beauty: diamonds on the Pacific, the scrub-covered hills, palm trees, greens, blues and pinks exploding everywhere. It was a welcome respite from this Concrete Island. And Matty’s b-roll captured that (you’ll see it soon on the ‘New York’ video — my brother, an editor at Sony Studios — begins editing this weekend). Of course, I was lured by the glamour as well. I have the requisite screenplay tucked in my back pocket. I have dreams of stardom. Like it would be any different, or any easier there…

I tasted the loss for the first time in a very, very long time.

Not that I regret the decision — the admission, really — to stay here in New York. I think New York’s one of the most magical places on earth. I smile every day from something beautiful, something deep, something just plain silly. Like this morning. The Hudson was a wind-whipped cobalt blue, and the sun was casting long shadows through the buildings. The air was clear, and clean. Everyone was braced against the wind, unsmiling. And I said hello to every one of ’em.

But it’s not that, really. It’s not either/or. Sometimes, I think we think that going somewhere else will mend a broken heart, or a stalled career, or whatever. And we go through all the scenarios, all the planning and hypotheticals, just to find ourselves right where we started.

My family is here. My friends are here. My job is here.

My home is here.