Golden Globes! Golden Globes! Golden Globes!

goldenglobes.jpgJust watching the red carpet of the 66th Annual Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s Golden Globe Awards stressed me out. T-minus four months until we’re all up in the MTV Movie Awards, and seven until the Video Music Awards.

Tonight, though, I’m on the couch keeping on eye on MTV News’ terrific online coverage, and NBC’s middling effort on air.

If you’ve read my Oscar or Grammy live blogs, you know I’m not that funny. Still, here are some random notes…

8:01 – J Lo with the, “Momma’s talkin’, momma’s talkin’!” Well done.

8:03 – Cameron Diaz was just over Penelope Cruz’s shoulder as they cycled through the Supporting Actress nominees and I though, “Life really is like the high school lunch room.”

8:06 – Kate Winslet, “Look, I won!” Adorable.

8:07 – “Please welcome singer, composer, social activist… Sting!” Please. When

8:08 – Peter Gabriel’s at the Golden Globes? Wow, he looks uncomfortable.

8:09 – Does the sound of silverware on plates ever subside in the show?

8:10 – Bruuuuuuuuuuuce! “Mickey calledand said ‘Some people invest themselves in pain instead of the things that matter in life. This guy isn’t one of them’ And I said, “I know a few guys like that.” I love how Bruce’s speeches all begin with a story. Bruce rules.

8:17 – Tom Wilkinson forgets a dude’s name! Eek. Cut to Paul Giamatti’s mutton chops. Yikes!

8:20 – I nearly set the kitchen on fire just now. I’m making rice, so was boiling water and managed to boil it all off. Pot was empty on the burner when I walked in. Oops. No fire alarms. All’s well. Crisis averted.

8:25 – Don Cheedle? Hotel For Dogs? Oh well, nice quips at the Coen Brother’s and Brad Pitt’s expense.

8:26 – Eva Mendez with the turquoise. Very nice. Muy caliente!

8:28 – Well done Mr. Cuban Golden Globes Guy. Short and sweet.

8:32 – Anna Paquin gets lost en route to the stage. Genius. But… really? “True Blood?” Not “The Closer?”

8:37 – You know it was gonna’ be good when Ricky Gervais walked on stage with as pint in hand! “That’s the last time I sleep with two hundred foreign journalists.” Genius! Highlight so far.

8:39 – The Jonas Brothers. Every network programmer thinks that if Miley and The Jonas Brothers run the place through, the kids’ll watch. I’m not so sure. Though I do kinda’ dig Kevin’s velvet tux. That is Kevin, right?

8:41 – Wall-E!!! Far as I’m concerned, the Best Film Of 2008.

8:42 – Forty-two minutes into the 66th Annual Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s Golden Globe Awards and Johnny Depp’s already lost his tie. And he appears quite tired. Poor guy.

8:43 – You can tell there was no coordination between the guy who tallied the winners, and the guy who did the seating arrangements when someone like Sally Hawkins has to hoof it from the back of the room. Oooh! And we’re now applauding tears! We love sentiment.

8:53 – I just delivered dinner to my wife’s lap (she’s knitting on the carpet next to me). Rice turned out fine. As did the chicken and green beans. Enjoy.

8:54 – I can’t believe Diddy is up for an acting award.

8:56 – Jessica Lange looks petrified.

9:00 – Betcha’ Heath will win The Oscar too.

9:02 – “All these power players in one room. There’s no scene like The Golden Globes.” Oh, Hollywood.

9:07 – Colin Ferrell with the coke joke. Nice.

9:08 – So it took the guy who made “Waltz With Bashir” four years to make it real. Principle shooting on “Mister Rogers & Me” began in June 2006. I still have time!!!

9:09 – Um, Maggie Gyllenhaal? Mutual of Omaha called. They need their drapes back.

9:18 – OH! MY! GOD! They used The Pixies for the “In Bruges” montage. Wow. The Pixies at The Golden Globes.

9:21 – And The 66th Annual Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s Golden Globe Award Odd Couple goes to: Amy Poehler and Patrick Dempsey.

9:22 – “And The Golden Globes goes to…” the only dude in the Beverly Hilton who I’ve seen step out of a cab on East 79th Street.

9:30 – Just added “John Adams” to Netflix.

9:33 – So I guess J Lo and Marc Anthony are still a go. You see that canoodling?

9:37 – Tracy Morgan, new highlight. “Tina and I agreed that if Barack Obama won, I’d be the new face of the show!” Classic. “So props to our man, Lorny Lorn!” And then Baldwin whispers in his ear, apparently reminding him to thank the head of the network, “And my man, Jeff Zucker.” Cut to Zucker, slouched in his chair.

9:44 – I got nothin’ against Diddy, but I think it’s time he loses that little tuft of beard on his chin.

9:49 – I’ve seen Tina Fey a few times on the playground. Just saying.

9:54 – Wait, what about “Pineapple Express” and “Step Brothers”!?!

9:55 – Wow, someone had to shush the audience for Scorsese. F’d up. (But then Scorsese says, “I stand amazed at his constant skill … I marvel at his ability to conjure … images that are genuinely transcendent.” Did he see “The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skulls”?)

10:01 – Ok, I give. There are some great flicks in there.

10:17 – I don’t get it. When I move my eyes, my forehead moves. What’s wrong with these Hollywood actresses? Their foreheads don’t move.

10:18 – Dear Sandra Bullock, Not so much with the dress. But nice pronunciation of Barcelona!

10:20 – Me on Colin Ferrell: “Is his hair graying?” Abbi: “I see what you see.”

10:21 – “A playground for imagination, thought and feeling.” Wow, you go Colin. Waxing lyrical, indeed.

10:41 – Ok, gather.

10:47 – Fading…

10:48 – And the award for Best Supporting Actor in the Stack goes to… Ritz!!!

10:53 – First, Mickey Rourke trips on the first step of the Golden Globe stage. Then Darren Aronofsky flips him off. Then Rourke says “balls” a second time and thanks his dogs… Cue the music! Wow. Guess I gotta see that flick.

10:59 – Tom Cruise in the double breasted tux.

11:01 – Slumdog producer rocks a few martinis and yells, “Fuck!” Thanks, Hollywood Foreign Press! G’night Tom Cruise!