Grammy! Grammy! Grammy!

Kanye West Last weekend, I live blogged Superbowl XLII. Tonight, I bring your The Grammys from the cozy confines of my office twenty-nine stories above Times Square.

8:00 – “It’s Grammys 50th Birthday, and everyone’s coming to the party.” Nothing puts asses in seats like two minutes of black & white television.

8:02 – Ooouuuch, Alicia Keys is dueting with Frank Sinatra. Awful.

8:05 – Alicia Keys is now lecturing me on the meaning of Grammy. If I didn’t have to watch this sh*t, I wouldn’t.

8:06 – Carrie Underwood — in a short shorts and high boots! — plus the cast of “Stomp!” Now that’s television! Did she borrow Tammy Wynette’s wig? Eh, whatever. It works.

8:10 – Alicia Keyes wins a Grammy! And thanks God! Wow. This telecast is full of surprises already.

8:18 – Cheeseball intro, but kind of a badass performance from The Time.

8:19 – Transitioning into an “Umbrella” performance! That’s kinda’ genius.

8:21 – Chris Abad texts, “I think I hate ‘Umbrella’ more than any other song from 2007. ”

8:22 – Chris: “Rhianna and Prince have the same haircut.”

8:23 – Tom Hanks!?! Nothing says rock ‘n roll like Tom Hanks.

8:24 – Chris: “Did you see Yoko!?! She looks like the Planter’s Peanuts dude with that top hat and sunglass combo.”

8:28 – This whole pantomiming The Beatles thing is a travesty. Why not have Foo Fighters cover “A Day In The Life.” That would work. But this is terrible. Can you hear that? It’s the sound of channels changing everywhere.

8:34 – Cyndi Lauper and Miley Cyrus!?! “What are you gonna do next year, Miley? Lasso the moon?” The writer’s strike clearly had a bearing on the script, jeez.

8:37 – Bateman. Love it. My Grammy Moment? Hate it. “Brought to you by the fine people at Gibson Guitars and Verizon!” Whatever. The American Idol-ization of everything — yunno, all this “Vote here, text there” — is not a promising cultural development. “The Running Man” can’t be far behind.

8:46 – In the middle of a web ratings conversation with colleagues, I realize that even our website has been Idol-ized.

8:47 – Not feelin’ Kanye’s song, or performance (sorry Daft Punk), but I kinda’ like the outfit.

8:48 – Chris disagrees. “This is the best perf in a decade of Grammys.”

8:51 – I appreciate the sentiment here, but this “Mama” bit is terrible.

8:53 – Chris: “Fergie has five Grammys? I’m going to bed. Meg just asked if this song is from ‘Beauty and The Beast.'”

8:56 – George and Ringo! Oh wait, wrong George. Weird. And weird that Ringo is the dude reppin’ The Beatles. I love Ringo and all, but, um… kind of a shame. I mean, the drummer? And “We miss those guys a helluva’ lot” is a bit of an understatement. It occurs to me that maybe Vegas is where they had to go to keep the music alive, which is a sad truth.

8:58 – “The Grammys are brought to you by the Bristol-Myers Squibb.” Oh my God. Aldous Huxley totally called it.

9:06 – Tina Turner looks good and all, but dude, SHE’S 69-YEARS-OLD!?! Should she really be asking me “What’s love got to do with it?”

9:14 – Nelly Furtado: “Andy Williams was the original O.G. — Grammy Host!” Ugh. Bathroom break…

9:34 – “The other half of your butterfly tattoo.” Yuck.

9:39 – Kanye wins. Damn, I was hopin’ he would lose and go off on NARSA later. Oh well, at least they’re playin’ him off… Oh snap! He shouted down the hook! Wow. Dude’s insane with hubris.

10:00 – Work’s getting in the way of my live blogging!!! I spend a lot of my time debating SEO (search engine optimization) points with my colleagues. That’s most of what I’ve been doing tonight (when not fielding text messages from Chris, who’s fallen oddly silent): suggesting new headlines that put the word “Grammy” closer to the front, singularly-themed articles, etc etc. It’s a far cry from performing at the Grammys, which is what I would have thought I was going to be doing when I was a kid. ANYWAY…

10:04 – I love that Foo Fighters won a Grammy (their 13th). But what’s better is that Gil Norton won one. He produced The Pixies’ “Doolittle,” “Bassanova,” and “Trompe Le Monde” (plus about a hundred other amazing records from Counting Crows, Throwing Muses, Belly and Gomez). He totally looks like a college professor.

10:05 – They keep teasing the Amy Winehouse performance. Are people really that excited to hear her? Or is everyone just hoping she pulls a Britney?

10:16 – When John Mayer shows up during Alicia Keys (second) performance, all I can think is, “The Grammys are totally a club.”

10:17 – Did I ever tall you about sitting through the 1993 Syracuse Area Music Awards, aka The Sammys? Remind me sometime. Better yet, have me dig up the photo.

10:20 – Chris: “Kanye just got punked by Vince Gill. Priceless!!!”

10:22 – MTV’s parent company, Viacom, rents the bulk of 1 Astor Plaza, a 54-story building on Broadway between 44th and 45th. And, like I said, I’m on the 29th floor facing Times Square. A cold front moved through the city this afternoon, so the wind’s howlin’. As a result, the building is creaking like a pirate ship. It’s really annoying.

10:35 – Jay should’ve let Rhianna have her moment. Just sayin’.

10:41 – Just ate a fortune cookie. Fortune read: “Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.” Ha.

10:50 – Ok, so Amy didn’t fall over, and she sounded pretty good, but she seemed totally medicated. Bristol-Myers Squibb?

11:07 – Really? A Pavarotti tribute? After a segment on the forthcoming Grammy museum? Click.

11:13 – Really? John Fogerty with Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis?

11:14 – Jerry Lee seems pretty medicated.

11:15 – They used to call him “The Killer.” Shame.

11:16 – It’s like a wax museum up there.

11:25 – I like will.i.am’s tux. His rap? Not so much. Just sayin’.

11:27 – Is Quincy Jones drunk?

11:28 – “There are no losers in the category, Kanye.” Damn. Cold.

11:29 – The Album of the Year goes to a 68-year-old covering a 64-year-old’s 36-year-old record. OH! And they play the old guy off! Damn. That’s cold. Well, at least it’s over.