Superbad

February 3Chris and Meg invited us to a Superbowl party at The Irish Rogue. I don’t know much about football, but I sure like wings. Here are my notes from the most raucous affair.

6:15- Jordan Sparks. Fine singer. I like her well enough. Even if she’s lip synching. But the whole cut to the troops thing? C’mon. Awful. And that military flyover at the end? What are we, Soviet Russia? Is it May Day? C’mon.

6:24- Wait, I thought kick-off was 6:18? We got here at 5:00. There’s no way I’m making the fourth quarter.

6:25- Chris Abad just walked over waving some random gang sign. “Yeah, son! Giants just won the coin toss!!!”

6:26- Finally, kick-off!

6:30- Giants just scored a first down and, judging by the clamor of the patrons here at The Irish Rogue, you’d’ think they’d’ actually scored.

6:33- An Audi ad just provoked “Ooooohs.” Weird.

6:40- Giants are on the board. More importantly, though, the nachos just arrived.

6:48- I swear to God I just had the following thought (which, thankfully, I didn’t say out loud): “Football’s so rooouuugh.”

6:55- That Doritos ad was weak.

6:57- Patriots score. Silence in the bar. Except Meg, who gestures in Mike’s direction.

6:59- I don’t get Derek Jeter. But I’m stoked about G2.

7:01- Pedro liked the FedEx pigeon commercial.

7:04- Gisele sighting drives applause amongst the men.

7:06- Holy shit, that was some Hail Mary! Face mask? What face mask?

7:07- Patriots intercept. For all the screams, you’d’ think Godzilla’d stomped through the bar.

7:11- Giants end the drive, and Chris high-fives the bouncer! Chris high-fives the bouncer! Classic.

7:21- Third & 17, Brady’s sacked and the place goes wild. Someone calls for a broken knee.

7:26- The line is three deep for the john. One dude steps towards the ladies room. I don’t need to go that badly.

7:37- One’s enjoyment of the Justin Timberlake Pepsi commercial appears commensurate upon ones gender.

7:44- Not into the Giants’ jersey. Just sayin’.

8:00- Tom Petty in an ascot. Huh.

8:01- “Heeey, baby, there ain’t a no ha easy way out!”

8:14- Abbi’s first yawn.

8:34- I dunno, do you really wanna win the Super Bowl because of some random little penalty? Jeez. These are litigious times.

8:39- The e*trade ad with the baby at the computer wins Best Commercial so far…

8:40- Until the flying Bud Lite guy gets sucked into the jet engine.

8:52- “This just in! Bananas were delivered to the Patriot locker room at half time!” Um, ok.

8:59- Megan says, “We’re all going to Cancun and celebrating Chris’ 30th at Senor Frogs!”

9:00- Megan says, “Hey do you guys want to go to Yellowstone in May? It’s when all the crazy carnivores have babies.”

901- I’m voting Cancun.

9:06- Giants score and the Bouncer just LIFTS PEMBRY OFF THE GROUND!!!

9:15- My wife is bouncing in her seat, squealing, “Whooooo! Whooooo!”. She rules.

9:27- “Bud Lite. Suck One.” Genius.

9:38- Patriots score as Abbi and I goof around taking photos.

9:39- Blaine leans into my ear and shouts, “Eli can do it!”

9:46- I have NEVER seen a catch like that! Wow. That was pretty.

9:53- Wow!!! I don’t think I’ve ever lost my shit like that before! Thirty-five seconds! Thirty-five seconds! Wow. That was really exciting. Everyone was jumping up and down, hugging and high-fiving when the Giants scored. I almost kissed Abbi, then I was like, “Wait, for a football game? That I’m not even PLAYING!?!”

9:59- Abbi wins the pool! Abbi wins the pool! Abbi wins the pool!

10:01- Bartender cranks “New York, New York.” Chaos ensues.