January 2004 - Benjamin Wagner

The Emergency Appendectomy

By admin | January 31, 2004 |

When the phone rings at 4:23 in the afternoon and caller ID indicates an Indiana area code for a number you don’t recognize, you know something’s up. It’s my dad’s wife on the line, and she starts with a drawn out, “Benjamin?” Sure enough, something’s up. My father’s in surgery for an emergency appendectomy. Not…

32 Lbs

By admin | January 29, 2004 |

I have no clean underwear. In fact, excepting the fly-less, too-small pair I’m wearing now (a gift that an ex brought me from Japan), there isn’t a pair of undies anywhere in the apartment. Not one. So what does that mean? Well, primarily it means that I have to get to the laundromat tomorrow to…

Chewing Lesssons

By admin | January 28, 2004 |

Those little stickers on apples? Annoying. I mean, I’m glad to know where the damn thing’s from, and that it’s grown organically and all. But they’re such a pain in the ass to peel off! And what poor soul has to inspect them to be sure the sticker’s in place? What kind of day job…

Let It Be

By admin | January 28, 2004 |

I met my buddy Chris Wilkes at Dive Bar at the end of a marathon day of The MTV. He tells a great story of proposing to his then-girlfriend at the finish line of a grueling Iron Man Triathlon. That’s a 3-mile swim, 112-mile ride, and 26-mile run, for those of you playing along at…

Note To Self: Eat

By admin | January 27, 2004 |

Note to self: eat dinner before going out. I am just in from Monday Night Social Club at HiFi. It’s kind of a music/journo, cheap-booze gathering at the venue formerly-known-as-Brownie’s (I played there one Tuesday in 1998 or so and thought that — despite the paltry crowd of 19 or so — I had made…

The Virtue of Selfishness

By admin | January 26, 2004 |

I sat across from a dude on the subway today who was reading Ayn Rand’s ‘The Virtue of Selfishness.’ And while I think I can appreciate her work, particularly the value of the individual in opposition to a steely cold world of institutions, I’m not sure I’m hip to selfishness as a virtue. “My philosophy,”…

I Dreamt Of Alligators

By admin | January 24, 2004 |

I fell asleep in the dentist’s chair this afternoon, walked home, had a liquid lunch (fruit shake, not booze), then fell into a deep, deep sleep where I dreamt of alligators. I was in Southeast Asia somewhere, narrating in retrospect a walk through the jungle. I had a long stick with a nail on the…

$12,000 Teeth

By admin | January 24, 2004 |

I woke up early this morning to hang out with Ethan and my mom while Chris and Jen ran a ten mile race in Central Park. By the time I made my 60+ block commute through the cold though, my little buddy was fast asleep. I hung out readin’ the Times being parented by my…

How Quickly Things Turn

By admin | January 22, 2004 |

I ran this morning. I drank a health shake for breakfast, then took two One-A-Days, two zinc, two B-12, and two Advil with my Starbucks. Over the course of my meeting-strewn day, I ate two apples, two bananas, and a salad (low-fat balsamic vinaigrette). All sounds healthy, right? Still, I have two doctor’s appointments in…

Try Smiling (It Works)

By admin | January 21, 2004 |

I was talking with a guy I know last night. He said he feels like crying all the time. He’s not sure he can hide his sadness from his coworkers much longer. I said, “Sometimes, when I’m alone in the elevator or whatever, I practice smiling.” Which is true. I do. For four reasons: 1)…